when i was little, i wanted to be a lot of things

This morning I had what started out as a relatively innocuous Yahoo chat with a young woman of my acquaintence. We've been friends for a year or so, and get along very well. Anyhow, she is going through some hard decisions and personal things right now, and so am I, so we chat a lot, and often those discussions veer into interesting philosophical, rhetorical, scientific, or theological territory—sometimes all of the above.
Today we veered off in a direction that is close to the heart of what I am trying to do in my life, and to the decisions that she is facing, and towards the end, I sort of went off on a bit of a spiel. I am interested in what she has to say about the last big paragraph, 'cause she was in class and then had to run, the conversation is relevant to my own spiritual journey, and may help clarify what I am doing here with this blog, and my wandering and walking and art and such. I am seeking myself in adversity I guess, and by finding myself, maybe I can also find God.

The following has been lightly edited to preserve flavor and intent while clarifying a few gross errors and removing a bunch of extra speaker Id's, also protecting identity of person I was conversing with.

James Dyer: Hola D.C.,

D.C.: hola

D.C.: como estas?

James Dyer: Bien, e' tu

D.C.: or if we wanna get internet slangy, km stas?

James Dyer: ha.

D.C.: im ok, just finishing up some home work before class

James Dyer: Well, having HW done is a good start. I'm back at Starbucks, working the net. We start walking April 2nd or 3rd. It's coming up fast.

D.C.: yepp.

James Dyer: That's cool though, I am ready for moving and living up the coast on the beach and the Redwood Trees. Lots to do though, and money is an issue. Also, we gotta figure out transport to Monterrey.

D.C.: thats where the walk starts?

James Dyer: Yeah, Monterrey, up the coast through Santa Cruz and Readwood forrests, to San Fran is the first section.

D.C.: ah, ok.

James Dyer: Not that big of a deal, we can always Amtrack or whatever. Trying to set up a ride though.

D.C.: right.

James Dyer: Save our money for walking, and busses suck, but it really wouldn't with a group excited to start trip...

D.C.: true! if you're with a good group of people all excited a bus ride wouldnt be so bad.

James Dyer: exactamundo.

D.C.: ok i'll be back in a few, gotta get to class.

James Dyer: cool, got your charger today?

D.C.: hell yes i do!

James Dyer: ha, good.

D.C.: shiau, brb.

(15 min gap)

D.C.: you know what sucks? doing the wrong homework.

James Dyer: whoops, seriously?

D.C.: also, not growing since 7th grade

James Dyer: ha, bogus.

D.C.: yup.

James Dyer: extra bogus.

D.C.: hopefully he takes mercy on me. bwtf, if not it's whatever, just one assignment, one check.

James Dyer: yeah, at least you did do homework, no worries.

D.C.: when i was little, i wanted to be a lot of things,

James Dyer: Bet one of them was not accountant.

D.C.: and NONE of them had anything to do with business—not even psychology.

James Dyer: Ha.

D.C.: gemologist, botanist, veterinarian, yes.

James Dyer: superhero? Teacher, soldier, spy. mountain man (or woman I guess) adventurer, pirate. writer.

D.C.: i'm wondering at what point i willingly traded all that in to be practical.

James Dyer: Whenever it was, I think it was a mistake...I made the same one, much longer ago, and now I'm trying to fix it.

James Dyer: http://www.logosjournal.com/ very interesting social and philosophical stuff here. (aside)

D.C.: if i do what i wanna do im gonna get hell for it.

James Dyer: That is always the way of life.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe they give you a hard time because, at least subconsiously, your spirit and enthusiam reminds them of themselves as children, and hence of what they have lost.

Feel sorry for them, it is to late for them to have adventures...which is why your father had affair. If you make yourself more than that, they are stuck confronting their personal failures. It is the same reason that people tell us to get a job, (like I don't work) or are otherwise assholes. They are jealous, they envy our freedom, and can't admit it to themselves.

Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." that is what you feel from accounting, it is what your parents feel, it is what all those poor suckers in jobs they hate feel, and it is why the system preserves the power for the powerful, and poverty for the poor. Keep in mind that the powerful can be just as miserable as the poor, maybe moreso.

D.C.: I asked my mom last night if she's happy living the way she does. She says she's content. Ive always been taught that i should be content with this and not necessarily strive for more or strive for happiness because this is not "the real life" because the real life happens after we die.

But i want to be happy NOW and not come home to an asshole of a father and douchebag of a brother and my mom being content but you can tell she's sad.

I want to do something i WANT to do.

James Dyer: Jesus, and John the Baptist, Moses, and Elijah were all wanderers—so was the Buddha. St. Augestine was an artist and a poet.

I want to travel, and experience the world, and do art, and write, and help people learn to live free, happy and spiritual lives, while making enough to live on. That does not take much if you walk and camp out.

Is this wrong?

Sounds like service to me, and service is at the heart of the same faith that has your parents telling you you can't do those things. That sounds like hypocracy. Somebody has snowed all the good little believers and made them conformists.

Remember, Jesus was the biggest rebel the world has ever seen. Remember also, being practical in this world leads to wealth and in Matthew 19 Jesus is reported to have said that it is easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than to get a rich man into heaven.

Read the Bible (all the other major religious texts for that matter) and see what it says. Then compare the words in the book with what you have been taught. You will find that the teachings are not the same.
"The Church" exists wherever two or more believers gather to celebrate life in the Spirit, to love God and one another—while a church is a human social institution. Some good, some corrupt, and all vechiles for human weakness as well as for strength, hate as well as love, separation as much as unity, etc.

Christ and the Buddha said much the same thing, and both of them willingly gave up all the trappings of wealth to follow the voice inside that called them to do what was right for them and for others.

Shit...I'm starting to sound like a frigging preacher. But I believe that what many churches teach is contrary to the meaning of the spiritual and earthly paths laid out for us by the prophets. Most people mean well, and think that they are doing what is right for them, for their loved ones, and for their souls. But then, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

D.C.: hah! next thing you know you're gonna be a preacher, sorry i havent responded. This guy is throwing out a shitoload of information. Ill be back in an hour or so. i got P.E. next and i gotta go buy a lock.

James Dyer: No worries, have fun with that.